Thursday, April 28, 2011

Easter Down South

KNOXVILLE, TN- I headed down south to Tennessee for Easter this year to spend the weekend with Brittany and her family. The weather was mostly hot and humid, and I witnessed a nasty, windy thunderstorm my last night in town. Thankfully I made it out before the big storms hit this week. 

While I was there we made a stop at the zoo...

Hit up an Easter egg hunt... 

Played outside...

...and in James' favorite place: the dirt.

And we took a little day trip to the Smoky Mountains. It was lovely. 

By the end of the weekend, James was pooped.

And these flowers in Britt's front yard... no longer exist. Last night those big tornado-ish storms ripped them out altogether. I'm glad Britt and her family are all safe, even though their neighborhood didn't fare as well.  

I have been glued to the news all day. My prayers go out to all the victims of these deadly twisters.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Kansas at it's Finest

FT. RILEY, KS-- I finally made it out to my new territory, where I got to play soldier for the day and ride around in this beauty...

 Do you think camoflage is my color?
It was a good trip and I couldn't have been more impressed with the people of the great state of Kansas.
In case you were wondering, most of the state pretty much looks like this... 

Friday, April 8, 2011

Shutting Down and Budget Cuts

WASHINGTON, D.C. - It's been a busy week on Capitol Hill preparing for the impending "shutdown." It bugs me on all fronts that such a thing is even happening, but that's another story not for my blog. Today, while monitoring the news, I came across one clip in particular that amused me, in which FOX News' Carl Cameron dubs Capitol Hill the "theater of the absurd."  I think that title is appropriate given this week's (this month, this year, etc.) happenings (or lack thereof).

Also, while we're on the topic of budget cuts, this email that came across my inbox today had me laughing outloud at my desk (particularly the bathroom/lunch break sections). Perhaps those of you reading this who are also bored at work are in need of a laugh too:


Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

-The Management